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AFTER MARRIAGE, WHAT ELSE?

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Marriage

A lover of cool music is what I could be described as when I sometimes find myself idle. Coupled with the gentle notes from a keyboard, or whatever instrument is being used which makes goosebumps appear on the skin is more than enough to switch my mind to another level. Here I was, in a church, not where I am not rooted to worship, though, and the leader of the church amidst soothing strings which got the atmosphere “charged” started speaking with much vim. Then he asked this question, not to one particular person but everyone. ” What do you need”? Amidst the several mumblings, I unknowingly held on to a particular response; ” I NEED MARRIAGE”. Don’t blame me, but instantly, there was a mental note to check the person out later and when I did, I was awed.

Behind me, where the response came from was a pretty girl, maybe not that matured in my sight and probably some elderly people will agree with me but that was exactly what I heard loud and clear from her. Curiosity took the better part of me and I did a bit of background check. Again, I sat by myself with mixed feelings. Revelations from my little digging brought to light that my “interesting” friend was if I could say, not ready for marriage. But then again, who am I to judge? That’s her topmost priority and should someone be bold enough to read my thoughts and come up front to me, am certain to be told it’s none of my business.

Having been a witness to quite a number of weddings, I’d say the rate at which people get married currently is very alarming. There’s no single weekend without a marriage ceremony not being held in a vast number of Churches. Even though it is a sight to behold taking into consideration the decorations as well as how so much in “love” the couples look, what happens at the aftermath of it all?

Being on some platforms, I get to read varied posts from people. Ranging from all manner of happenings be it amusing or serious. Once while idly scrolling through posts by people on a platform, I got sight- locked on one particular post and I just kept going to and fro trying to get the reason for it being shared. As captioned, “AFTER MARRIAGE, WHAT NEXT?” To him, it has been something he has been pondering over for some time and he sought to find answers and that was why he shared it on that platform.

Being by himself with this thought, he identified the legal right to have sexual intercourse with your partner and then should children come out of the deed, fair enough. But what actually can be the one sole reason for marriage. Sometime back in school when this topic was taught, we were made to understand that marriage centres around companionship and procreation. But then again, is that all there is to it?

Looking back to marriages by our elders, theirs have been one that stands for long. Even if it was instituted through arranged means, one can say for a fact that it stands for long come what may. A look around might make known some “poor” reasons as to why the “marriage calendar” needs to have a review. For some, it might be out of pregnancy and due to the shame that might come to the woman and the family, hasty preparations have to be made for a quick ceremony. Even if it was in the mind’s eye of the couple to marry sometime, things have to be rushed. For others, it might be pressure from people around that you’re ageing, you’ve accumulated some wealth or maybe the supposed need for a grandchild. But really, will the marriage be about you who is doing the pressurising or the one who will be in the marriage?

As quickly as some wish to get married, the same way they wish to be out of it maybe because they are uncomfortable or that it wasn’t done right. I am not an expert to speak on authority but as usual, it is just my thoughts at work once again. Divorce cases abound after a few months of being in a marriage and it is really heartbreaking. Of what use is it after all the cost incurred and after vows have been said out loud in the sight of God and other witnesses? Since the marriage was held publicly, the divorce I suggest should be done publicly as well. After all, what could be the worst of it?

The “for better for worse” aspect of the vows during a marriage ceremony needs to be resounded to all. It is not a child’s play when one can just jump in and when you are fed up, you shake the dust of your feet to go back to your old state. For the painstaking part, I know it to be a lifetime decision and journey so long as you draw the conclusion of wanting to get married.

I daresay something is just wrong somewhere but should pain be endured with a proper planning, it never promises to be all rosy but for it’s worth, one can enjoy it while it lasts. It is not about how good one looks on the day of marriage, never about the number of bridesmaids or groomsmen, never about how the wedding becomes the talk of the town but rather how you can hold it all together and say I am never swallowing my vows or to retract them.

Millicent Fornyikpor

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